So, I'm trying really hard to finish my homework for my online class "teachings of the living prophets" and my mom keeps talking about farmville with my great-aunt. It's so annoying...I hate this facebook games.
Anyway..I've been meaning to write here about my relationship with my mom and this seems as good of a time as it gets(this sentence doesn't sound right, is it?). Well, some of you know my mother and know that I have issues with her, she is a nice lady, she has taught me a lot of things that I can only be grateful for, I love her. There are some things thought that I SO wish she had taught me when I was younger and I wanted to make note of that so moms out there won't do the same because those are things that I had to struggle REALLY hard to learn on my own. (and still learning)
One of the great aspects that I am eternally grateful for is the time I have spent in the States. I had contact with a culture that for the most part (at least the part I was exposed to) that teaches responsibility and accountability to children. I have so many great friends who did not know I was watching them, but I did FREQUENTLY because I wanted to learn how to do that with my kids. Hard work, responsibility, accountability, diligence, patience, craftiness etc are some of the things that I have been working so hard to learn since I left home when I was 18. I want to mostly focus on hard work.
I have noticed since I came here that my mom has really never understoon how to teach us hard work. I have a 10-yr-old brother who does not help around the home. Mostly because my mom feels that she needs to spare him of that work in order to show him that she loves him and that she is a good mother. Have you ever seen that before? She works extra hard around the house picking up his slack and cleaning, cooking and doing everything that a home maker does for a 10 yr old who doesn't think it is his responsibility to help around the house. That is exactly how we grew up. With a loving mother who didn't want us to work around the house because she wanted us to be kids. Well fast forward a little bit and when 18 hit, she expected all kids to start taking care of their stuff (we were actually only supposed to take care of our rooms, which I was the only one who did it, when it got really messy) and help her out around the house. She says that because we have grown up we need to know that she needs help. Now in my head, the least thing 18 yr olds want to do is help their moms. So I left to go to college and my brothers were the ones supposed to help. Wanna know the outcome?nobody ever helped and she was more and more overwhelmed with house work. I would feel sorry for her at this point, but to me it was self inflicted and it won't change. It won't change because I've talked to her, I pointed out how I could have learned better and how I wish I learned how to do things and you know what she said? "you take care of your kids and I will keep doing what I think is right for mine"...well then...
So I urge you to teach your kids to work hard, to share responsibilities in the home, to be part of a working family, becase those were the things that I noticed the most and I try so hard to build with my family.
Without getting into too much detail as I went to college I had a hard time with my choices and learning how to manage my time and how sometimes the consequences of my poor choices (nothing regarding my eternal salvation) was something I could not choose or change... I could change my choices but not the consequences...I wish I were more disciplined and I knew how to do things around the house more....you know little things like that?it definitely helps when you are away from home.
It's been really hard on me trying to be completely different from the way I was raised. As I said, my mom is a great person, but a great person I have a lot of issues with and I hope that I can be someone that won't have issues with my daughters. I hope I can teach them the importance of taking responsibility for your actions and their individual worth.
We women have to be REALLY careful with how we teach our kids, because it will come back to haunt us. I can testify of that.
What has your mom taught you that helped you as an adult? How has your mom taught you to be patient? or hard working? or responsible?